The chase

Poem written 13th July 2024 in the National Poetry Library in the Southbank Centre

There's a richness I chase that you can't buy or own

You can't align with or prepare for or acquire

You can only feel it

And suddenly tune into it


It's not forever but it can be often

You can reacquaint with this richness when you remind yourself of its nature

In moments of everyday malaise


I've felt it before

In these short blissful moments

These bursts that I wish I could grab onto for longer

That I could store in my back pocket and rub against

When life's mundanity begs to make me forget


Yeah, I've felt it before

In the final sip of a badly stirred hot chocolate

When all the sugary powdery goodness has sunk to the bottom of the paper cup and greets me

After several dull milky sips


I've found it in a deep guttural breath

The unlock of a jaw and slacking of risen shoulders

When I let go of a phantom which has caused me

to gradually contract and shrink

That richness seeps through me as the tension breaks


Or on the walk home on a summers evening

The sun setting, streaking slow warm tones above

Ever so slightly tipsy

Loving the fact that I'm ever so slightly tipsy

Wondering if the people I walk by can feel this too

If this richness oozes out of me like a wood toned perfume

If they can feel this sensual hue which tints my route home

Makes my feet sway before they hit the ground

So it looks like I'm dancing along


I feel it at the final scrape of a dinner plate

At a restaurant with a good friend

It's been far too long since we last caught up

We can't leave it this long again

When the only thing that's held me for the past few hours

Is my good friend and the thrill of our shared history

Overlapping and intertwining shrill and conversation

Her company filling me more than the food


I feel it when I start moving in my room

And dance my way out of a funk

Because I read somewhere that trauma is stored in the hips

So I chase release and

Find it in every sway, jerk, and swing


There's a richness I find in my love's lips

Watching them move or meet my own

When they bring sweet willing and longing and

Lead me to a weightless bliss


When the chase for that richness

Ends suddenly

As it meets me, as it always does,

Behind slammed shut eyes